How to Set Goals that Stick: Download Our Free Guide

January marks the start of a new year; a natural transition and point of reflection for many. On behalf of many therapists, the idea of New Years’ resolutions are kind of ‘bleh’. Is this because we know that much of real, lasting change is non-linear? Or that pressure around new years’ resolutions creates short-lived feelings of motivation that are fleeting like any other emotion? Regardless, goal setting can be a helpful exercise for many, as it facilitates self-reflection, cultivates a sense of agency and purpose, and anchors oneself amid ongoing change and the passing of time.

At a Glance

• Why Do I Set Goals Only to Let Them Go?
• Useful Goal Setting Strategies
• Helpers: Practices or Skills that Will Help in Any Pursuit
• Download Our Free Guide

Why Do I Set Goals Only to Let Them Go?

There are plenty of reasons for goals to fall to the wayside.

• Overwhelm
• Trying to start with too big of a first step
• Not feeling emotionally connected to the goal or the ‘why’
• Lack of skills dealing with difficult parts of the process
• Competing or conflicting goals
• Difficulties with emotional regulation and task initiation
• Struggle to prioritize or time manage
• The goal is externally motivated rather than intrinsically motivated
• Negative or overly judgmental self-talk

Can you think of anything that has stood in your way in the past?

Thought Exercise: Think of a time you set a goal but did not end up seeing it through. Take a few moments and jot down everything about why you think it was not brought to fruition.

What do you notice about these reasons? Any common themes? Any helpful takeaways that could inform how you approach goals in the future?

Useful Goal Setting Strategies

The best strategies for goal attainment are those that help you tend to the specific challenges you face; this will depend on your unique circumstances. Below are a few self-reflection questions to help you get started.

Self-Reflection Questions to Help You Conceptualize Your Goal

• In 1-2 sentences, what is my goal?
• What is the smallest, easiest first step I can take?
  • Is research needed to better understand what the next steps might be? Am I willing to carve out time to do this research? When and how will I hold myself accountable to this?
  • If possible, map out a Goal Breakdown by listing important and attainable steps involved in your goal, then ordering them by level of prioritization.  
• Why is this goal important to me?
• Is this a reasonable time to start on this goal? Why or why not?
• What have I learned from past experiences that could help me better navigate how I approach this goal?
• What could I probably get better at that would be helpful in this process?
• What people or resources can I turn to for support?
• What are some reminders or mantras I can tell myself along the way when feelings of demotivation, discouragement, self-doubt, and disconnection arise?
• Is there a way I can have fun with it or romanticize parts of the process?

Change is often much slower and more difficult than people assume, which can lead to harsh self-judgments, low self-esteem, and giving up when you’re not making progress quick enough. The thing is, if change were easy, everyone would be living their lives as their optimal selves.

Helpers: Practices and Skills that Will Help in Any Pursuit

The following skills and practices will be useful for any goal or process of change. If you’re reading this and you think to yourself, ‘Yeah, this is me. But how do I put these into practice?’ then you might benefit from working with one of our therapists along the way.

Your therapist can help you uncover a deeper understanding of your reactions, emotions, and behaviour, while helping you develop skills in areas that matter to you.

• Self-Compassion
  • Aka Learning how to being a friend to yourself – kindness, especially when you’re struggling!! The last thing we need when we’re trying to do something hard is criticism. Leave the judgments at the door, and open yourself up to the messiness and uncertainty that comes with change and growth.
• Time Management
  • Know yourself and adjust the way you approach tasks as needed. If you know you work better at night than in the morning, then factor that into your goal setting. If you know you struggle to get off your phone, then implement boundaries with phone use. Phone addiction is a difficult reality for many people.
• Develop Realistic Expectations
  • We tend to drop off when our experiences are not aligned with our expectations. We might blame ourselves as being inadequate or simply lose interest in the goal. Try to learn from past mistakes; set realistic expectations and define your goals concretely. Social comparison can be useful when used for inspiration. Yet, observe the way you use comparison; does it slow you down or add fuel to your fire?
• Mental Rehearsal
  • Spend time visualizing a future scenario where you’ve achieved or mostly achieved your goal. Imagine yourself facing the challenges you’ve laid out with integrity and self-respect. Imagine how you might feel if you were to live it out. Let that feeling serve as a source of emotional connection to the goal. A sense of purpose and connection to your ‘why’ is necessary to continue to go towards our goals when motivation is not present.
• Don’t Think, Just Do
  • When all is said and done, the reality is that we eventually must act on our goals if we want to see change. Planning and conceptualizing can be pleasant distractions if we let them be the only thing that satisfies our feelings of unease.

Download Our Free Guide

Download Our Free Guide on Goal Setting Here.

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References:

This blog post was guided by theory on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in goal setting.

Disclaimer: The ACTion Psychotherapy blog is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this blog or materials linked from this blog is at the user’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.