Save Your Marriage with Marriage Counselling in Toronto

marriage counselling Toronto

What are your thoughts on marriage counselling? Are you struggling in your marriage? Do you miss your spouse even when they are with you? Do you feel at a loss for how to navigate your challenges better together? Are you committed to improving your marriage? You’re not alone. Forbes (Bieber, 2024) released 2024 statistics on divorce in the United States to provide more context than the commonly known statistic that approximately half of all marriages end in divorce [and they noted that second and third marriages are much more likely to end in divorce].

Although divorce rates decreasing over the past 20 years could be correlated with the decline in marriages, it might also point to the normalization of seeking therapy and improving emotional regulation and communication skills.

At a Glance:

  • Most common reasons for divorce
  • Save your marriage with marriage counselling
  • Strategies that help

Most Common Reasons for Divorce 

According to 2024 statistics, Forbes (2024) cited the top three most common reasons for divorce in the U.S. as the following:

  1. Lack of commitment (75%)
  2. Infidelity or extramarital affairs (60%)
  3. Too much conflict and arguing (58%)

Of those who are divorced, 66% of men and 74% of women think their partners should have worked harder to save the marriage. These statistics make sense given the findings that a lack of commitment was the number one reason couples divorced. It begs the question, what if the marriage could have been saved?

It was also cited that couples who divorced and re-married each other were much less likely to divorce a second time. In fact, 72% of couples who remarried after reuniting stayed married. That being said, only 6% of couples who divorced reunite with their divorced counterpart (Bieber, 2024).

Save Your Marriage with Marriage Counselling

A marriage counsellor helps cultivate a safe space and facilitates a more helpful way of communication between you and your spouse. A marriage counselling therapist will use their skillset to listen to your concerns, help you communicate your underlying fears, needs, and desires, and come together on a shared vision and way of moving forward in your marriage.

Esther Perel is a world-renowned psychotherapist who has given many Ted Talks on all things relationships, marriage, intimacy, attachment, sexuality, intersectionality of culture, and infidelity. In each of her books, podcasts, and interviews she encourages us to think more critically about issues we commonly face as human beings navigating life and relationships for the first time. Perel encourages people to take a step back and untangle your thoughts and feelings from the automatic assumptions and opinions we instinctively gravitate to when we are hurt by the people we love. Specifically, her controversial and highly rated book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity takes an in depth analysis of affairs and recovery after an affair.

In an interview with The Guardian, Perel states, “Many affairs are break-ups, but some affairs are make-ups. Sometimes the relationship that comes out is stronger, and more honest and deeper than the one that existed before because people finally step up,”.

What if we learned to view and appreciate marriage for the nuance and complexity it is? What if you and your spouse addressed recurring issues and re-committed to your marriage to bring it new life?

Strategies That Can Help

  • Letter writing exercise
    • Esther Perel coaches her couples to engage in letter writing exercises in a unique way. She instructs couples to draw on each other's backs in response to prompts she provides as a kind way to start conversations about needs, hopes, and intimacy, or otherwise what they want their partner to know.
  • Dreams within conflict
    • The Gottman Method recommends looking at the “dreams within conflict”, or the dreams that underly recurring conflict in your marriage. Exploring the roots of the conflict can shed light on important dreams you both have about the marriage and guide you to a place of making dreams coming true.
  • Friendship and kindness
    • Excessive arguing and conflict are one of the top three reasons for divorce. No one likes being treated poorly or condescended. Both parties taking accountability for their part in cultivating a loving and kind environment can go a long way in creating change. Sometimes this means working in individual therapy in addition to couples counselling to improve emotional regulation, explore childhood trauma, and develop your skills for self-care and communication.
  • Much more!
    • Working with a marriage counselling therapist is already a first step in re-committing to saving your marriage. They can explore your specific concerns in a safe space and help bridge the distance between you and your spouse. Contact us to get matched today.

Relationship Resources

If you’re interested in learning more about relationships, there are several masters of relationships in the field of psychology; Dr. Julie and John Gottman, Esther Perel, and Dr. Sue Johnson to name a few.

References

  1. Bieber, C. (2024, January 8). Revealing divorce statistics in 2024. Forbes Advisor. Retrieved from: https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/
  2. Lisitsa, E. (n.d.). Make life dreams come true: dreams within conflict. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved from: https://www.gottman.com/blog/make-life-dreams-come-true-dreams-within-conflict/
  3. Rock, L. (2017, October 28). Esther Perel on affairs: do you break up or can you make up? The Guardian. Retrieved from: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/oct/28/esther-perel-the-relationship-guru-who-thinks-infidelity-isnt-all-bad